Late last week I firmed up a date for a job (telephone) interview, scheduled for tomorrow. Which was all fine and well until it got closer to the day and then the old fear factor set in.
Can I do the job? Am I right for the job? Will I say the right thing when they’re asking me questions? Do I know the right questions to ask to make sure it’s the right job for me? On and on and on the list goes.
I was feeling much the same way as I went for the initial interview a couple of weeks ago. Not often have I felt apprehension going into job interviews but for some reason on this occasion, I did.
Perhaps my fear or anxiety was justified as it’s been about 18 months since I last worked full-time outside of a little freelance work I’ve been doing. Perhaps, as this position is a slight step-up from what I’ve done in the past so more of a challenge.
My initial interview for this job was successful, so why should the one tomorrow be any different?
And how do you define a successful interview anyways? Them thinking I’m the right person for the job, or not. Me thinking the job is right for me, or not. Either way, so be it. Although I do want to put my best self forward, I don’t want to go in as anyone other than myself and what I have to offer them.
But fears have a tricky way about them. They can paralyze you. Stop you from moving forward with their unreasonableness.
Moving past our fears though, can bring some of the most exhilarating and rewarding experiences.
Thoughts of angst running through your brain the whole time as you ready yourself to get your butt on the amazing roller-coaster at Disneyland. Your knees ready to collapse as your name is called to deliver a presentation to your peers. Taking your newborn home from the hospital and wondering how on earth you will learn to care for such a fragile soul (or souls…in our case of twins). Moving what seems like a million miles from home when you’ve barely been outside your own country.
By getting through each to experience the thrill of the ride, the pride in speaking from your heart, the joys of loving your children as you’ve loved no other, experiencing the world.
I don’t usually attend yoga class on a Sunday after what’s normally our gruelling two days over each weekend that’s part of our teacher training. This past weekend, however, was a 3-day workshop and though we practised asanas both Friday and Saturday morning, it wasn’t as strenuous as usual. So this morning, I felt like I needed to go and work up a little sweat.
And I got it.
The early vinyasa class was just what I needed. Flowing from posture to posture, building heat, strength, flexibility AND sweat. Towards the end of class our instructor said we were going to do handstands. Or we could do child’s pose if we didn’t feel up to that, but she would come around and assist as needed. I immediately curled up on the floor, ready to rest and slow my breath in child’s pose.
Next thing I knew she was standing beside me.
Okay. Let’s get you into a handstand.
I looked up at her.
No, I can’t do handstands.
Yes, you can. I know you can. I’ll help you.
First I went into Downward Dog as she instructed. She then talked me through the next few steps. I kicked my legs up once. Then again.
Almost. You’ll be there next time. Once more.
Here I am, this 49-year-old who 9 months ago had not done much of any exercise for a very long time. I still haven’t lost any weight doing yoga and certainly have more body mass to haul up than most of the yogis I see wandering the halls at our studio. Yet, I had made it up!
As it can be a struggle with many yoga postures, I never really believed I could hold my weight up, but most of what holds me back with headstands, backbends and handstands is fear. Fear of falling. Fear of breaking something. Just plain fear.
Sometimes … we need a great teacher to prod us along and let us know when we’re ready to tackle something expansive.
More often … we need to stop thinking so much and just plow through.
As I was sitting in the quiet of our bedroom this evening preparing as best I can for THAT telephone call tomorrow, DH came up to see what I was doing. He told me to stop all the preparation. To know that I’ll be just fine. I am capable. It is possible. Just get it done.
Yeah, get over it already, I’m thinking to myself. It is just one job opportunity. It is not such a big deal. It will either be a good fit or not. I’ll either make it up or I may fall down but neither outcome is a reflection of me or all the other possibilities that still await.
Meanwhile, HOT DAMN but it felt great to accomplish that today!
Where is fear holding you back?