Expectations. “Nothing creates more unhappiness than failed expectations.”
As I’ve mentioned here before, there are many, many discussions between dear daughter and I with regards to relationships.
One of the pieces of advice I keep giving her is that you can’t control people. You can only do what you need to do. Say what you need to say, but you cannot determine the outcome. When the outcome is not as you’d like it to be, it’s probably because you imagined something different, had expectations that were not met. How you need to let it go. Let it be. As long as you know in your heart that you have done your best, that you’re okay with your words, your actions, that’s all you can do.
If only I could listen and act upon my own advice as well as I’m able to dish it out.
Reading the sentence I quoted above, in my book tonight, I came to realize that’s what’s been going on with me the last couple of days.
I’m really upset about something and it’s all because ‘they’ didn’t do what “I” would have expected. I know this about me. I know I get hugely disappointed at times because I think I have it all figured out the way something should go. I also pretty much know why I’m like this (childhood stuff, yada, yada, yada…..). I know I get most angry when people don’t behave as I think they should.
Yesterday and today I ranted a little to dear husband and dear friend about the situation. Even a few tears slipped out, which is not the norm for me.
I would love to let them know what ‘they’ did to me. Only a trouble is, they probably had no intention of hurting me, and probably have no idea that they have. By lashing out at them I would be the fool only because it wasn’t the way I would have liked it to all unfold.
What am I to do?
Earlier in the evening I went to yoga class. The teacher begins ever so gradually, allowing us to think about slowing down. Allowing us time to relax into the class. She said things about “letting go of all our expectations for our practise. Being okay with who we are today.” A reminder to think about not judging ourselves and our practise. Not comparing ourselves with other’s practise.
I need to let it go. I need to not judge. I need to let go of those expectations. I need to listen to my own good advice.
Even at your age, when I read that you are hurting, my heart starts to hurt. Honestly. I think this must last forever. Hurts to your body – not so bad, but hurts to the heart are the worst. I hope it heals quickly – if I can help, please let me. xxxooo
Thanks. I think it’s mostly gone now. The only thing hanging on to hurt or resentment does is put undue stress on my body and I don’t want that.
I think generally people never intend on purposefully hurting one another so giving them the benefit of the doubt is probably the wise way to move forward. Anything else just creates a blame game which doesn’t help anyone in the long run.
It’s likely just ‘my’ issue, so I need to own it, feel it and get over it. But, talking about it always seems to help 🙂
good for you my friend! we can all relate to expectations not being met, it does hurt, I currently have two ongoing ones…